The Vibrator Goes Postal

The Street Hustle

In the mid 1990’s the phrase “Going Postal” found itself thrust into common usage so frequently it quickly became a cliché.  The phrase is a cheeky way to refer to someone who is so upset they may turn to gun violence in the workplace to solve their problems.  It became part of the American lexicon due to the amount of Postal Workers deciding to murder their colleagues with assault rifles during the early part of the Clinton decade.

‘Going Postal’ became such a sensation it even became the topic of discussion on Seinfeld.  In response to a question by Jerry Seinfeld, postal worker Newman claims the violence is due to the mail itself.  “…because the mail never stops.  It just keeps coming and coming.”

Because anyone, anywhere ie. The Unabomber, as well as the aforementioned postal workers can ‘go postal’ at any moment, post offices around the world are always on high alert.  A Russian bomb squad was called in recently to handle a vibrating package, feared to be some terrorists wanting to join in the ‘going postal’ craze.  Things, however, turned out to be a little different once the package was opened.

From the New York Daily News:

There was an explosion of laughter Tuesday after a Russian bomb squad tore open a ticking package at a post office – and found a vibrator inside.

The sex toy that stimulated the rapid Russian response had apparently been turned on “by accident,” police in the city of Petrozavodsk told Agence-France Presse.

“The post building was ringed by the security forces and people were evacuated,” a spokeswoman said.

Petrozavodsk is located near St. Petersburg.

Russia has been plagued by bogus bomb scares since January, when a suicide bomber set off a blast at Moscow‘s main airport that left 37 dead.

In March 2010, two more suicide bombers killed 40 people when they set off their deadly packages in the Moscow metro.

Chechen warlord Doku Umarov, an Islamist who has been waging a bloody campaign to free his country from Russian rule, is suspected in both bombings.

I hope it wasn’t Umarov or al-Qaeda, Hams, Hezbollah etc.  Any one of these groups who might choose to ‘go postal’ with dim wit – ha ha- would indeed prove the final judgment is upon us.  Thus proving that first of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is the human form of every Woody Allen film after Crimes and Misdemeanors.