Charlie Sheen To Play George S. Patton Jr.?

The First Essential Scary Truth

With apologies to Buck Henry, what a week this week was. We lost Duke Snider, Jane Russell, Suze Rotolo (actual death on February 25, 2011 but reported on Monday February 28,2011). There are more riots in the Middle East for Democracy and oil jumps to over $104 a barrel and a Jihadist shot several of our Airmen in Germany. On Friday, we were once again in existential mood after a fit 16 year old in Michigan shot the basket to win his high school team’s game and then dropped dead.

And the press covered Charlie Sheen. Every TV station, every newspaper, every website followed his antics and published/broadcast his rants. Why? Why would the media and public be so interested in this third rate B movie actor? What was the last/only good thing Sheen’s done, Hot Shots Part Deux?

However, after going through the transcripts of some of his quotes this week, I think understand why Sheen’s obvious chemical fueled breakdown is being shown 24/7 to the American public: he’s auditioning for the role of General George S. Patton Jr. in the remake of the 1969 classic George C. Scott film Patton. (And before you say that couldn’t ever remake that movie, it’s seminal; the powers that be in Hollywood are trying to remake another seminal piece of American cinema Taxi Driver.)

Before you disregard this post as the ramblings of a man who’s been in the desert sun too long and has sampled far too many cactus products, please consider the following quotes:

Sheen: “I’m on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.”

Patton: “I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight.”

Sheen: “Dying is for fools. Amateurs.”

Patton: No man ever won a war by dying for his country. Wars were won by making the other poor bastard die for his.

Sheen: Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.

Patton: We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.

Sheen: [I was] bangin’ 7-gram rocks and finishing them because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, one gear … go!

Patton: Attack rapidly, ruthlessly, viciously, without rest, however tired and hungry you may be, the enemy will be more tired, more hungry. Keep punching

His TV career is hot and ff the soon to be rumored Patton remake never comes to fruition, Charlie Sheen has another career as a motivational speaker. A crack fueled motivational speaker but at least he won’t want to take you to ‘a van by the river.’ This assumes, of course, he lives past next week.

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