Is The Beverage Cart Still In Play?

The First Essential Scary Truth

The following story is true. It happened to the top waiter in America and several people have told it to me in various ways by various S&W peers. Tommy Pitlak first told me this one in October of 2003 while leaning on the rough wooden half wall that passed for the service bar at the Park Ave. Café.

Pat’s eyes were extremely crusty when he tried to open them. All he could here was a whir, white noise in its purest form, not the traffic sounds he was used to in NYC.

He vaguely remembered fighting with his girlfriend. What did he say? What did she say? What were they screaming about again? Oh yes, his drinking. It was always about his drinking.

They made up quickly. And she wanted some escargot for dinner.

“You want some escargot, I’ll get you some escargot,” he told her, pulling on his coat and leaving for the French Bistro down 20^th Street.

Instead of going directly to the restaurant, Pat stopped at a local bar and proceeded to go on a bender.

Pat finally forced his eyes open and found the white noise coming from the jet engines on the wing just outside his window seat.  He was on an airplane. Taking stock of the situation, he called the pleasant blonde stewardess over. “Miss,” he began, “I only have two questions: where is this plane headed? AND is the beverage cart still in play?”

Answers: Belgium and yes.

Ah, I miss the 1980’s. When men were real men, women were real women and there was no TSA to feel you up at the metal detector.