Two More Bullets Redux

The Best of the Zola System

Today is the 30th Anniversary of John Lennon’s death.  A prickly, brutally witty man, I assume Lennon would be touched by the accolades he’s receiving but horrified by the attempts to make his death at the hands of a deranged fan seem like some sort of political assassination on par with Lincoln and JFK.

However, the murder of John Lennon did leave us with Paul McCartney, a precious schmuck who insults the sentient beings of the universe by winking.

I posted this piece on 3/16/09.  I’d like to think Lennon would have handed the pistol Ringo.

Paul McCartney is back in the news.

According to Entertainment Weekly, McCartney recently sold out 4,000 tickets for a show an April 16 show in Las Vegas in seven seconds.  That’s 600 tickets a second for the minions of Las Vegas to witness the king of wimp rock ply his trade.  If you were so unlucky or unable to get your ticket online, the going rate for a scalped ticket is only $9,999.  Honestly, I am rather shocked.  Who wants to shell out that kind of money in this economy to see that dinosaur onstage?

Then again, there is a school of thought in the world of the music geek that states a person can be classified by answering the simple question: who do you like better the Rolling Stones or the Beatles?  Stones fans have a nasty edge to them, a bit of something under the covers.  Beatles fans; they like soft stuff and mop tops.  Personally, I’m a Velvet Underground fan; I guess I just have to be different.  However, if given the choice of only those two music groups, I would happily select the Rolling Stones.

When I was a child, I loved the Beatles.  I suppose that preciousness appealed to me when I was 10.  By the time I hit 20, if the music didn’t have any sort of danger attached to it, I wanted nothing to do with it.  The closest the Beatles ever got to being dangerous was when John Lennon claimed they were bigger than Jesus in 1965 and anyone can piss off a member of a Fundy church.

Aside from my friend Jed and I, it’s hard to find anyone who will admit they aren’t fans of the Beatles.  To the average punter, claiming the Beatles are overrated is like saying Stalin wasn’t that bad of a guy.  They start looking for horns growing from your head and recommend serious therapy.  Fortunately for those of us who loathe those four lads from Liverpool, the Meatmen, a joking hardcore band from Ann Arbor, Michigan, feel the same way.  In 1985, they released a ditty entitled “1 down, 3 to go” lamenting the fact the other three Beatles were still among the living.  With the death of George Harrison, the song now seems slightly out of date.

However, I propose the song be re-written with a fanciful new title: 2 More Bullets. And during the course of the tune, Tesco Vee, leader of the Meatmen, should offer Ringo Starr a deal.  He seems like a decent enough guy so if he takes out McCartney, we’ll give him a pass.  I swear, if I have to hear ‘Yesterday’ in an elevator one more time…