9 Truly Terrible Things To Drink – By Guest Blogger janethegreat

The First Essential Scary Truth

Zola System reader and contributor janethegreat tried to come up with a list of the Top 10 bars/clubs lost to the ages in her town but couldn’t get past 5. Instead, she sent me a list of 9 truly terrible drinks she’s encountered in her travels. As a bartender and as a point of parliamentary procedure, I am here to second every bit of wisdom on this list. This post, dear readers, will save you from the worst hangover of your life.


Nine Truly Terrible Things to Drink:

We’ve all heard the old saying “Beer before liquor, never sicker; liquor before beer, never fear”. Personally, I’ve found it’s more the quantity of either that usually does you in… but it’s true that when someone starts passing around kamikaze shots after midnight, it generally spells trouble the next morning.

In honor of my mother (who drank jug-wine throughout the 1970’s and warned me to never mix red/white wine in a single sitting) I have compiled a list from my own and friends’ experiences of ten items to never drink. Cheers to you, Mom!

9. Any absinthe that is legal in America (i.e. the stuff without the wormwood – where’s the fun in that?)

8. Pre-bottled green Apple-tini mix made with Splenda

7. Poorly made Scorpion Bowls – cute umbrellas will not redeem them. Ever.

6. Vodka and chicken broth (a desperate attempt to keep the party going after the mixers ran out).

5. Mojitos made with fresh basil instead of mint – a local bar briefly hawked them as Manjitos” in a misguided effort to appeal to male patrons.

4. Pre-bottled green Apple-tini mix made without Splenda

3. Scotch and milk (an old-school, hard-core drinker’s drink – I think the milk was to counteract the effect of booze on ulcers).

2. Any home-made moonshine, white lightning, pure grain alcohol. Stay far, far away from this Fraternity house “jungle juice” staple in its naked form. The only exception is if you’re traveling abroad and it is offered by your host. Then it counts as a cultural experience…

1. Canadian red wine. This does not count as a cultural experience.

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