Remote Controlled Bowling

  The Con       

 

When I was 22 and wondering what to do with my life, I spent two weeks in suburban Detroit with my parents bored stiff.   Upon finding myself back in the city, I kissed the pavement just outside Madison Square Garden.  Although I had grown up in suburbia I found it B-O-R-I-N-G.  Thus I spent the next 22+ years in New York.

 

Now in wilds of Scottsdale, doing my 3-5 and wondering what to do with my life, I find suburbia just as boring.  Old habits have returned: driving around for no reason, stopping in convenience stores to see if they’ll get robbed.  Jesus, it’s almost like I’m 18 again.

 

There is one suburban past time I have yet to fully embrace: bowling.  Throwing the ball down the lane, drunk, in stocking feet, used to be a passable fun night.  However, the last time I tried to roll a few frames, this past April at my pal Josh Machlin’s birthday suarez, I failed to break 140.  Is it because I’m 40 or just out of practice?  Maybe it’s because I was sober and wore shoes.

 

Whatever the reason, I wondered how I am going to be able to rejoin this social circle.  Or at the very least, entertain my nieces.  Thankfully, UrbanDaddy.com has shown me my answer: a remote controlled bowling ball.  The answers to my dream of a perfect 300 game can be mine for only $1,500.

 

These are tough economic times.  I wonder if the secrets to Middle East peace are included in the instruction manual.