Death By Cheeseburger
The Con
With the economy in tatters, the auto industry taking yet another bath in its attempt to be bailed out, the little stories that make up the city are being pushed off the pages of the local newspapers. Today, I found this little jewel of an item in today’s New York Post:
A man was shot and critically wounded yesterday outside a popular all-night Greenwich Village diner, police said.
Two groups of customers began arguing inside celebrity hangout Cozy Soup ‘n’ Burger on Broadway shortly before 5:30 a.m., then took their dispute outside.
There, one of the customers pulled a gun and fired a shot at Omar Ramnarine, 32, who was hit in the neck, cops said. The shooter and his two friends jumped in a car and sped off.
No big deal, right? A couple of heavily armed morons arguing with some bozos happens all the time. The problem here is the choice of the weapon used by the assailants. You see, a Cozy burger was the preferred burger for NYU students who resided in Brittany Hall at 10th Street and Broadway. My senior year, they provided the necessary break I needed from the cafeteria food provided by student housing.
My friend Chad Clark and I would go have our burgers every Sunday around 11:30pm. The location was close to our dorm so we could get back and watch 120 Minutes on MTV. However, by the second month of our little ritual, I discovered that, approximately 25 minutes after I left the joint, I had to be in a bathroom. Worse, the more Sundays I ate the Pizza burger deluxe, the longer it took me to get myself correct. Finally, in the third month, I developed a full-blown case of something akin to food poisoning. It was at that moment, not any of the Sunday’s before, when I realized eating a burger from Cozy Soup ‘n’ Burger was a very bad idea. With little trouble, I was able to convince Chad to move our Sunday dinner to McSorely’s on 7th Street as he was beginning have the same issues with his Swiss burger, well done.
The reason, of course, for the problem was the beef used to make the burgers – it was scooped out of a huge drawer and just plopped right down on the grill. How long it had been there, no one knew and only G-d knows what kind of beef was in that drawer from Sinclair’s nightmares.
So I wonder, when in a tiff at the Cozy Soup ‘n’ Burger, why shoot your adversary? Just buy him or her a couple of burgers. The e-coli/Botulism can do the job for you .
Ads
Denizens of the Zola System
- A Visual Identity
- Ashley Morris
- Clip It Baby
- CNN
- Dennis Machinegun Thompson
- Detroit Free Press
- Detroit News
- e3 Your LIfe
- Fox News
- Henry Mena
- Hollywood Gem
- Jewish World Review
- Jimmy Fallon
- Mick Farren
- New York Daily News
- New York Post
- New York Times
- Open Salon
- Sacred Fools Theatre
- Scoop Momma
- Skip Williamson
- SPIN Magazine
- The Blacklisted Journalist
- The Choke
- The Financially Troubled Arizona Republic
- The Los Angeles Times
- The Nearly Famous Barry Young Show
- The Purple Gang
- The Wall Street Journal
- The Washington Post
- The Washington Times
Categories
- Alpha Female/Beta Male
- Assholes Anonymous
- Character Sundays
- Detroit Stories
- G-d's Guide To Home Appliance Repair and Sports Betting
- How Drunk Do You Have To Be To Get The Joke?
- Jimmy Fallon
- Overheard in a Los Angeles Bar
- Overheard in a New York Bar
- Overheard on the Subway
- Post Urban Culture
- Quotes from How To Fix a Horserace
- Rachel Kramer Bussel
- Skip Williamson
- Sleaze Culture
- The Best of the Zola System
- The Con
- The Core Belief
- The First Essential Scary Truth
- The Magic Bullet Theory
- The Martini Chronicles
- The Second Essential Scary Truth
- The Street Hustle
- The Summer Of 1992
- The Zola System In Action
- The Zola System On The Road
- Uncategorized
- What's in Your Fridge?
Archives
- February 2017
- May 2016
- May 2015
- February 2015
- January 2015
- March 2014
- January 2014
- June 2013
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- August 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008