The First Essential Scary Truth

Leave it to the New York Post make life in New York during these trying times a more anxiety filled experience.

According to an article they published on January 14, New York City is perfectly made for rats.  Not the kind you might find in The Sopranos or the kind that Martin Scorsese felt the need to beat us over the head with in The Departed.  No, I’m talking about the jelly skulled, gray furred carriers of the black death that seem to populate every crevice of the city.  Half the fun of taking the subway is looking down onto the tracks to see the just how big the rats have become whilst feeding on the garbage and other things discarded by fellow citizens and myself.

But according to this piece in the Post, it is New York itself that attracts the vermin because, above 14th Street, the city is set up in a grid.  Apparently the rats get disoriented in the winding streets of cities such as New Orleans, Jerusalem and Paris and can’t seem to find their nests and homes. 

You would assume this would be the case in the West Village as well.  Most natives aren’t able to find their way through the weird, angular and winding streets west of 7th Ave South, so why should the rats, at least according to this study.  Well, I’m here to tell you the biggest rat I’ve ever seen was gnawing at the garbage at Abington Square four nights ago.  At first, I thought the thing was some sort of stray cat because the beast didn’t seem afraid of me as I came up behind it.  Then I saw the small pointed ears and long tail, this small animal was unmistakably a rat and it wasn’t running away.  I stood there in fear of a mite or tick jumping ship to my arm or worse, a rat bite and having to explain why the damn ting wasn’t afraid of me. 

Slowly, I tip toed backward while the lice ridden cat sized vermin eyed me with malice.  It went back to eating and I felt fortunate to have walked away with my toes and shins in tact.

To New York Post publisher Rupert Murdoch, I must ask this question: walk around the streets much pally?


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