Draft Me For Pope?

The Core Belief

At the beginning of the current Papal Conclave the following paragraph, written by my dear friend Eric Gulotty, popped onto my Facebook wall:

Are we sure a Jewish Pope is out of the question? I think Alex Zola would make a great Pope. The only difference between a good bartender and a good priest is that that you can only get a sip of wine and tiny snack from a priest. And how cool would a Zola homily from St. Peter’s be? Draft Zola!

Initially, although flattered, I decided a Sherman Declaration was my proper out.  After all, there hasn’t been a Jewish Pope since 1130 and he was a member of the Church hierarchy at that.  I know my Uncle Mike, a practicing Catholic, will be disappointed but hey, what can you do?

Then I came upon this headline on TMZ.com:

Dennis Rodman: I’m Going To Meet The New Pope.

If it’s going to get Dennis Rodman crazy in Rome, it maybe time for someone who understands life in the land of the weird to run the Catholic show.  So yes, if asked I will run and if elected I will serve.

There will be a few changes however: 1. I will not be taking the name of any other Pope, although the irony of taking the name Innocent in not lost on me.  2. Celibacy will no longer be practiced by any member of the Catholic Clergy.  As the leader of the world’s Catholics I will have to lead by example.

And –

3. All Sunday Homily’s will begin with the phrase I assume you’re as hungover as I am so I’ll make this short.

Res lipsa loquitur.