An Actual Pleasant Memory From Sunday School

The Con

A friend sent me this message, found on a billboard outside a Fundy Fist Baptist Church in the south:

Staying in bed screaming, OH G-D! does not constitute going to church.

I wondered if the pews and tithe were empty.  You would think in these trying times, church goers would be avid about attending services.  Maybe it’s just a glut of couples trying to sneak in during the sermon, breaking the mood set by the scriptures. 

I flashed on a Hebrew School memory, from what we called Hebrew High School – Sunday School after b’nai mitzvah.   Rabbi Silberberg asked the six or seven of us, all boys, in attendence that week if we had ever gotten an erection in the middle of a prayer service.  “C’mon, a show of hands,” he said.

It’s bad enough getting caught by your parents while thinking about getting into Stacy Superstein’s black skirt but by your rabbi? He’s supposed to be a man of G-d, after all.  How can you possibly admit wanting to get your leg over to an ultra orthodox religious leader with dressed like a diamond merchant with payas and the long beard?  Not one of us raised a finger.

He laughed and told us a about two of the 613 mitzvah’s (good deeds) Jews are required keep: having sex with your wife every Friday night and having impure thoughts in the synagogue.  The latter is not only supposed to get you in tight with the Almighty but is also supposed to be good luck.

Maybe that’s why anti-Semitism is on the rise: Rabbi’s are actually condoning getting laid.