More On The Chickens And The Road From Guest Blogger SGZ

The Core Belief

Shockingly, my last post prompted a bunch of feedback from Zola System readers.  It seems why a chicken crosses the road is a question that bothers humanity.  ZS reader SGZ sent me 148 reasons why a chicken would want to cross the road.  (He likes 113.)  Thus he has attained guest blogger status for the day.


1.The chicken wanted to learn about his family history (i.e. which came first the chicken or the egg) so he crossed the road to get to the library on the other side.

2.The chicken was feeling confident, it was a nice spring day, traffic was light, visibility was good, all the other chickens crossed the road so naturally this one didn’t want to appear anti-social, contrary, and oddly different.

3. It was just a matter of time before it happened because, just as every chicken loves some chicken sometime, every chicken will cross some sort of road sometime.

4. Because it felt like it.

5. Because it needed the exercise.

6. Because it wished to avoid meeting the chicken it saw approaching.

7. Because that’s what chickens do.

8.         God ordained from the time of Creation that this chicken should come into the world and should cross the road exactly when it did.

9.         Having spent days and nights searching its soul the chicken finally decided that it had to cross the road and did so.

10.         It all depends on what is meant by “chicken”, “road” and “cross”.

11.         It got bored.

12.         It had a death wish.

13.         It had already crossed the road 999 times that day and wanted to make it 1000.

14.         It had always been intending to and finally decided today was the day. 15.         It saw the rooster on the other side and wanted to get laid.

16.         It wanted a change of scenery.

17.         It wanted to be famous.

18.         It wanted to catch the bus into town.

19.         It wanted to show it was not a chicken.

20.         It wanted to show it was a mean chicken.

21.         It was a very confused chicken.

22.         It was caught by a freak gust of wind.

23.         It was collecting experiences for its next book.

24.         It was part of a chicken conga line which happened to be crossing the road.

25.         It was trying out its new pair of roller blades on the asphalt.

26.         It was trying to find its roots.

27.         None of the other chickens crossed the road and this chicken wanted to be different.

28.         The chicken crossed the road because it was daydreaming and did not notice it.

29.         The chicken had just had its head chopped off.

30.         The chicken had prayed fervently all night and at dawn Jehovah had told it to cross the road, and the chicken crossed the road, and Jehovah saw, and saw that it was good, and saith unto the chicken, Verily, thou art a rock of  Chickrael.

31.         The chicken was looking for love.

32.         The chicken was running late and took a short cut.

33.         The chicken was trying to make a difference.

34.         The light turned green.

35.         The Moon became conjunct with the chicken’s natal Mars in its fourth house.

36.         The other chickens dared it to.

37.         The other chickens told it to go away.

38.         The Spirit moved it.

39.         The time had arrived for this chicken to cross this road.

40.         This chicken inherited genes predisposing it to cross roads.

41.         This was a Mormon chicken and it was setting out on its mission.

42.         It got caught up in a scam offering free grain deliveries in exchange for a nude road streak.

43.         Why not?

44.         All events in the chicken’s entire life are fixed in 4-dimensional space time and the chicken could not have done anything else at that time (as we see  things from within ordinary experience) than what it did; the chicken crossed  the road because the chicken’s crossing the road has been part of the eternally  fixed micro structure of the 4-d block universe from the moment of its creation.

45.         It was helping to stamp out bugs.

46.         It was bearing the white chicken’s burden.

47.         It was fulfilling its Manifest Destiny.

48.         It was doing God’s work.

49.         It was helping to make the world safe for chickocracy.

50.         It was just following orders.

51.         It just did.

52.         It wanted to prove to the squirrel that it could be done.

53.         It wanted to prove to the opossum that it could be done.

54.         It wanted to prove to the armadillo that it could be done. 55.         What chicken?

56.         Because it wanted to be hit by a car.

57.         Because it saw the chicken crossing sign.

58.         It was blackmailed by a bully goose.

59.         Because if it didn’t, there would be no question “Why did the chicken cross  the road?” and many road-crossing-chicken scholars would not be able to answer  their calling in life and would be unsatisfied for their entire lives.

60.         Define “Chicken” and “Road”

61.         It knew something the other chickens didn’t.

62.         Because of the rupture in the space-time continuum.

63.         I think the real question here is why did the road cross the chicken’s path?

64.         The road crossed the chicken first. Retaliation baby.

65.         To go home. He had previously crossed the road to get to the other side, and now he was returning to where he originally came from.

66.         To get his pension. You don’t get it? Neither did the chicken, he wasn’t old enough!

67.         Because he thought if a zebra could do it, so could he.

68.         Because some turkey said he was too chicken to do it.

69.         Because all members of the Road Chickens Cult have to do it.

70.         Just because he could!

71.         To give everybody this silly joke to ask a zillion times…… over and  over, for the next 50 years!

72.         He crossed “the road” because “the road” was a dirty, low down, loud mouth punk, and “the chicken” doesn’t take orders from a punk!

73.         It was a stunt being filmed by Peter Jackson for the movie “To Cross or Not to Cross.”

74.         Because the chicken was going to McDonald’s.

75.         The chicken crossed the road because it was a suicidal chicken that wanted to die.

76.         This chicken was in college and had to cross the road in order to become apart of the sorority

77.         The chicken was tired of the side she was on therefore she crossed over.

78.         The chicken was on the reality TV show for poultry called “Cooked Goose”

which is a poultry version of “Fear Factor” and the next challenge was to cross  the road.

79.         If she crossed the road she would win a free car (and driving lessons.) 80.         She was running away from the people who wanted to eat her.

81.         The chicken is a Rhode Island Red, of course it’s going to cross the road.

82.         Because it could.

83.         Do you know for sure this chicken crossed this road? Did you see it do it  yourself?

84.         Because it was there

85.         It was only doing what the little voices in its head told her to do

86.         Why Not, just leave the chicken alone

87.         To get away from the Colonel.

88.         In his own words: 89.         Because he wanted to show off his guts

90.         Because it needed to. Why else would a chicken cross a road

91.         Because philosophically, is a road truly a road if it was not to be crossed?  And is a chicken truly a chicken if it were chicken? (No, wait a minute…)

92.         Because a sorcerer told the chicken that he can no longer cross roads after an incident when his chicken-wife got ran over. However, he wanted to prove the sorcerer wrong, so he summed up enough courage to do so. And when he was crossing the road, some American saw the chicken cross the road. He asked himself “Why did the chicken cross the road?” The rest they say… was history.

93.         Because the referee shouted ‘fowl’.

94.         To get to the other side!

95.         Because it was the pig’s day off.

96.         Well, I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but, there once was a chicken who stole a crucifix, and, while being chased by the crowds, ran over to a river, rested the crucifix on it, and then rowed it to the other side. That’s why the chicken rowed the cross, in any case.

97.         Because if the chicken didn’t cross the road none of this would have been typed and a so-called “joke” that has been around forever would not exist. But really, what’s so funny about a chicken crossing the road? How would you like it if someone made a “joke” about YOU everytime you crossed the road?

98.         So it could cause global warming on the other side of the road.

99.         So it could spread global warming alarmism on the other side of the road.

100.         To pick up her welfare check.

101.         To vote. Yes, it is illegal for chickens to vote, and especially for chickens to vote 17 times, like this one did. But she was a Democrat, so it’s ok. Just like it’s ok for illegal aliens, convicted felons, dead people, and fictional characters to vote. Unless they vote Republican.

102.         Because I told it to!!!! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! So don’t mess with me or I will make you cross the road as well!!!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAAHAAHA… (cough  cough) … I really need to practice my evil laugh …

103.         Because Ben chased it.

104.         Because a farmer chased it with a knife.

105.         Because it’s mum was behind him with a list of chores.

106.         Because somebody was running towards him with a radio playing Kate Bush.  (Weird Al is ace)

107.         It’s a chicken, why would I know?

108.         It wanted a job as a translator.

109.         It wanted a job as a suicide assistant.

110.         It wanted a job as a poultry-seller, it didn’t like itself.

111.         Someone had done an eggy fart on the other side.

112.         It wished to set up an egg market on the other side.

113.         It’s psychic had said that, some time that day, he would cross the road? 114.         Because he had this really funny joke he wanted to write down but he had to go to the dolla store to buy a pencil.

115.         There was a Bureau de Change on the other side he wanted to sue for not being in Russian, Filipino, and Zulu.

116.         All the other chickens were doing it, and it just wanted to fit in.

117.         Because he had just killed his friend Paul, Paul was a member of the chicken triad and the triad boss Alan has put a price on the chickens head. The next day the chicken woke up and he decided that he would go out to the shops to buy some milk and cheese to make an omlette for his dinner. On the way to the shops he decided to take a shortcut through Westborough Ave. suddenly a black VW van pulled up beside him and two armed chickens jumped out and chickennapped the chicken(the chickens called Neil). The van drove to a secret location and Neil woke up hanging upside down by his feet? Alan was there and he told neil what he would do to him. Neil was scared and he remembered that he had secretly hid a desert eagle in a secret compartment in his feathers. So he pistol whipped Alan and cut himself free. He escaped the secret location (which turned out to be a SPAR) and ran to the main highway. that was where he crossed the road.

118.         Because he wanted to warn everybody that the sky was falling.

119.         He was stapled to the punk rocker!!!!!!!

120.         Because it had lost it’s comb. Because everyone knows that chicken, when it goes on vacation, only packs its comb; whereas an elephant packs its whole trunk.

121.         There was a guy on the other side, holding a magnet. Hell, that chicken did have a heart of steel.

122.         He was a Supervisor, so he decided to show it off by displaying his amazing talent.

123.         The poultry, in perspective, did not transport himself across any road at all, infact. That is merely a matter of perspective. You see, a fluctuation in  the space-time continuum alters the transisting rate of air molecules, and  differentiates the particles of discoloration in air to form a colour  projection of the poultry, the corresponding light patterns specialised to be  perceived by only the pupils of your eyes, as your pupils have a chemical  alteration which allows them to perceive a level of light on a scale of 1000  Watts.

124.         There’s some philosophy behind this. I guarantee it. Ok, so *snore*

125.         The chicken didn’t cross the road, it tried to run away from me.

126.         The chicken didn’t cross the road. I carried it across.

127.         The chicken didn’t cross the road it ran across.

128.         The chicken didn’t cross the road, it got blasted to the over side by bagpipes.

129.         The chicken didn’t cross the road, that’s just what it looks like.

130.         It was heading to the local jail to turn itself in for Murder.

131.         Maybe it had isverycrazysoforsomereasonthaticannot…-tocrosstheroadtogettotheothersideosis.

132.         Because the monkey was on the other side and the chicken wanted to give the banana to the monkey.

133.         It was senile, I mean, why else would a kitten gloss the toad?

134.         Perhaps he had galloping confustikitus, which basically means he could not stop running. He could turn, but never stop.

135.         Because the road was there

136.         Because it wanted to go to mianus

137.         Because it had restless leg syndrome and its therapist told it to walk whenever possible.

38.         Because a Pickle Exploded in Japan.

139.         Because a monkey was starving next to a gas station, and the gas station was out of barbeque potato chips, and the monkey didn’t like the color green.  This upset the chicken, and so it crossed the road.

140.         The chicken was afraid of Spongebob Squarepants.

141.         Well, here is an interesting fact… You see, my uncle was sitting at home one day, watching TV, when an ostrich popped out of his refrigerator and threw a rock shaped like the state of Kentucky, at my uncle’s lamp. It missed the lamp and hit his pet raccoon. The raccoon got very scared and peed all over my uncle’s stereo. This caused an electrical shockwave, and fried his TV circuit.  My uncle got furious and ran outside, got on his unicycle and rode away to my house. He walked in the front door, hit my brother in the head with a Pocahontas doll, and knocked him out. He grabbed my TV and headed for the door. I was eating my noodles when this all happened so I threw my fork at my uncle. It hit his ear and he dropped the TV. The TV landed on a rake. The rake flew into the air and hit a telephone wire, which made all the birds sitting atop the wire, fly away. There just so happened to be a hunter sitting nearby, and seeing all these birds made him  “get ideas” he shot one of the birds which fell out of the air and landed in a bald man’s ice cream. The man started to scream and burst into flames! This man’s pet chicken got scared of the man, who was now on fire, and ran across the road. The chicken then got hit by a semi.

142.         Because it wanted to state the obvious.

143.         To get to the other side!!!

144.         Because it wanted to cause a controversy as to why it crossed the road 145.         It understood the “Butcher” sign as a “Free Chicken Feed” sign.

146.         In all honesty, this was a mob chicken. A rival mob was pursuing it and had it backed up against a road. Gathering all his courage (not very much, I mean he’s a chicken) he ran across the road, and thus saved his life.

147.         Because the chicken was part of Team Edward and he was running from Team Jacob.

148.         Because it wanted to prove it wasn’t one. (wasn’t a “chicken”)   Read more:

Send me your comments and guest blogs and I’ll post them ASAP!


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